Bitter Love
by Psychotic Deity
Summary: When Tenten came to, Hidan was holding her butt cheek and looking delicious.
1. Bitter Love

Tenten finished packing her things, stuffing her belongings in various suitcases. Her bangs hung about her face messily and her usually neat buns were undone, strands of hair poking out. Ever since Hidan, her one true love, had been lost at sea, Tenten had been desolate. Each day living and breathing, just being alive, was torturous and painful. If only she had persuaded him not to buy that unbelievably cheap boat that day. Her eyes watered. "Hidan, you idiot. Why didn't you ask your finance savvy partner!" she cried in a breathy whisper.

There was nothing left for her anymore; she felt numb to everything. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going on Neji's bed to become a cold ice cube. Neji's bed was always the best place to become a cold ice cube. Neji himself used his bed to become a cold ice cube and was currently pursuing Gai-senssei and Lee to become cold ice cubes with him. She wasn't sure why she was going to be a cold ice cube, just that it was something the creator of her universe had dictated, and she couldn't really argue, despite her reluctance to become a cold ice cube.

Just then, there was a bouncy knock at the door. Strange how she knew it was a bouncy knock as she hadn't really heard a bouncy knock before, so how could she call it a bouncy knock? Tenten opened it and stood there speechless for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her stomach. Oh, her stomach. That was a very hard fall.

When Tenten came to, Hidan was holding her butt cheek and looking delicious. Though, when didn't Hidan look delicious? And holding her butt cheek? He was always so forward. "My love," Hidan said sexily, "I'm sorry for the great shock. I've been shipwrecked on a sexy island for the last ten years. Very sexy. Can you believe it, a whole island full of sexy girls. I was totally chaste by the way," he said, yet his eyes couldn't quite meet with Tenten's. "Anyways, I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my tongue in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Tenten could hardly believe her Hidan had returned, or how he was talking so well without a tongue. "I will always love you, tongue or no tongue. Besides, you can cover it up with a kunai." Yes, Tenten was a masochist at heart. Just imagine frenching a man with a kunai for a tongue.

They embraced gently and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was lovely and fine.

Until Tenten discovered Hidan had given her a venereal disease after his supposed fidelity on the island of sexy girls.


	2. Pocky is Viagra

Tenten stepped softly out into the front yard, strong sunshine beating down on her, and admired Hidan's butt cheek. "Ah," she sighed. "That's a delicious sight." And it was. Because when wasn't Hidan's butt cheek a delicious sight? Exactly.

But why Hidan's butt cheek was hanging out for anyone to see this early in the morning was puzzling.

Hidan walked slowly across the grass to greet his lover. Tenten patted Hidan on the head and then tried to rape him skillfully, but without success. First of all, it's not rape if you don't want it.

"That's all right," Hidan said. "We can try again later." But you know he was fairly disappointed. He did want to be raped, but his wanting of it made it less of a rape.

"I'm just not sadistic enough," Tenten sighed. "Not as sadistic as the time we were on Neji's bed." Neji's bed was always the perfect setting for sadistic rapage. Especially if Neji was still on the bed. Underneath them. Looking on in horror. And begging for them to get off of his bed because he couldn't breathe, they were crushing his diaphragm.

Hidan nodded sexily. Yes, even his head gestures and motions were sexily done. "We were so bitter back in those days. Full of spite, and a desire to hurt others."

"Of course. We were younger and we knew how to have more fun," Tenten said. "Everything sharp is sexy when you're young." Oh, those kinky little masochists.

"Of course," Hidan said. "But eve now we're still sexy, and we can still have fun. If we go about it gently."

"Gently?" Tenten said . "But how?" It boggled her that Hidan had actually suggested they do anything gently. She supposed that was what happened when people aged. Their kinky preferences changed.

"With this," Hidan said and held out a stick of Pocky. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to rape."

Tenten swallowed the Pocky at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to rape like never before. They raped like they didn't want it. Three times. Oh, Pocky.

And then the neighbor told them to get off his lawn.


End file.
